Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
