no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
