oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
