I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
