in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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