Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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