My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
