You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize