Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
