He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
