i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
