remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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