i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
