If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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