Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
we made out on top of his cat.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
