you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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