All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize