i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
