In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
