You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize