I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
