Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
there is glitter all over my balls
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