dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
