I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize