i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
