I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
