hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
