I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
