what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
