I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
