i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
