sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
