I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
