I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
