Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize