I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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