He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
