Is it normal to miss your booty call?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
