I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
my shit smells like andre
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
