I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
