where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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