i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My liver just had a heart attack.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
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