We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
