come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
