So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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