sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize