I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
