New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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