Banned from zoo.
Again?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
This is my gift to your gina
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
