my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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