8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
