I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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