gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
