My sheets look like a crime scene.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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