before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
