R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
