so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
