I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
