Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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