Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
