I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
