I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
