FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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