the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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