John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
