i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
